Social Emotional Development - 4 Year Olds

It can be hard to understand the inner workings of our children. We wonder what’s going on in their heads and what they are learning. Having an understanding of childhood development can be helpful in discerning, supporting, and anticipating milestones. So I wanted to take the time to break down the different ages and what we can expect. So let’s start with our TK students. What do we see in our four year olds?  

  • Engaging in LOTS of imaginative play 

  • Learning best through play 

    • Storytelling, art, building, dress up, movement, etc 

  • Increasing awareness to social expectations 

    • Right vs wrong 

    • Rules 

    • Manners

  • Learning to work/play together (often seeing associative play

    • Sharing, negotiating, problem solving, self-advocating  

  • Strengthening identity 

    • Understanding own interests 

    • Expressing likes and dislikes 

    • Increasing awareness of gender norms 

  • Developing empathy and cooperation 


So, as important adults in a four year old’s life, how can we help support development? 

  • Building playtime into your daily routine. Scheduling lots of time for messy, outdoor play and running around. Plus, letting your child lead during playtime increases independence!  

  • Providing opportunities for playdates and letting children work out conflict (yes - intervening and guidance is important too) 

  • Modeling respectful language, manners, working together 

  • Practicing taking turns and sharing  

  • Reading to your child. There are so many wonderful books about friendships, emotions, school, animals, the world, etc. Plus there’s an added bonus of helping your kiddo develop reading comprehension and language skills. 

  • Increase responsibility by giving them a job around the house (e.g. setting the table, taking the dog for a walk) 

  • Inquiring about how they and other people might be feeling (e.g. while reading a book, at the park, or around the dinner table) 


If you have any questions, please feel encouraged to reach out christina@christinakingfamilytherapy.com


Yours In Service, 

Christina King, LMFT 145704

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Citations and Resources: 

Wood, Chip. 2017. Yardsticks: Child and Adolescent Development 4-14 (4th ed). Center for Responsive Schools.  

(2021, July 26). Social Development in Preschoolers. Healthy Children, The AAP Parenting Website. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Social-Development-in-Preschoolers.aspx

(2024, May 16). Positive Parenting Tips: Preschoolers (3-5 years old). CDC, Child Development. https://www.cdc.gov/child-development/positive-parenting-tips/preschooler-3-5-years.html?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/preschoolers.html

Christina King

Christina King is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Manhattan Beach. Her work focuses on South Bay tweens & teens struggling with anxiety and depression. In addition to private practice, she also counsels students at Pacific Elementary and Manhattan Beach Middle School.

https://www.christinakingfamilytherapy.com/
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