Social Emotional Development - 11 Year Olds
“Complain but comply.”
Ah yes, adolescence is here. I offer you this mantra of “complain but comply” to help you through this next developmental stage of adolescence. Ennui is alive and well. I can already hear the dramatic “ugh,” the sharp comment, the slamming door, and the sarcastic eye roll. You might not be able to stop this, but you can help them through this. Here’s what to expect at eleven:
Greater value of social connectedness
Emerging cliques, social negotiation, and peer pressure
Emotionally sensitive and tumultuous
Brain and hormone changes can make it difficult for kids to manage their emotions
The ennui attitude is often an attempt to create distance and emotional safety while experiencing feelings of discomfort
Self-conscious of changing body
Exploring personal identity, values, style, etc
Becoming more serious and competitive about activities of value (e.g. sports, grades, art, etc)
Can lead to kids dropping out of teams
“The imaginary audience” - feeling as if others are watching, judging, or observing them
Easily embarrassed and frustrated (or as the kids say it, *so cringe*)
Starting to become easily embarrassed and frustrated with parents or family members
Debating and discussions on ideas, opinions, beliefs
Debating with authority can come across as rude, talking back, and pushing boundaries
“The personal fable” - their experience is special and unique (AKA parents will just never understand and couldn’t possibly relate)
So what can caregivers do to help out their 11 year old?
Stepping in if cliques turn to bullying
Encouraging participation and effort over perfection or score
Developing new skills (e.g. language, arts, sports, etc)
Setting clear expectations surrounding grades, responsibilities, routine
Depersonalizing rude or aggressive comments → the child’s response often surprises them as much as it surprises you
You can say something like, “Do you want to try that one again?”
Balancing distance and closeness
Monitoring social media and having discussions about online safety
Creating breaks from academic, social, and physical obligations
Letting them make age appropriate decisions (e.g. outfits, lunches, family outings, etc)
Talking about puberty and giving them resources to do their own research
If you have any questions, please feel encouraged to reach out christina@christinakingfamilytherapy.com.
Yours In Service,
Christina King, LMFT 145704
Citations and Resources:
Wood, Chip. 2017. Yardsticks: Child and Adolescent Development 4-14 (4th ed). Center for Responsive Schools.