How to Talk to Kids About School Shootings
On September 4th, headlines broke out about a school shooting at Apalachee High School in Winder, Georgia. According to the Gun Violence Archive, in 2024, there have been 385 mass shootings (23 of those being school shootings). I write this article with a heavy heart and sinking feeling, but my hope is to support you and offer some tools to have conversations with your children.
Shield them as best you can (especially younger elementary). Whether this is turning off the news coverage or filtering dinner table conversations, we are trying our best to protect them from this news. If you have children in different age groups, don’t forget to include your tweens and teens in the conversation about shielding your little ones from this information.
As much as we try to protect our kids, it can be impossible to shield them entirely. Here are things to consider:
Ask them what they know. For all ages, a great introduction is to ask what they know about the events. It can be helpful to understand what they have heard, so you are not adding more detail than necessary. Allow them to express their concerns and ask questions.
Stay calm and listen. Try your best to have this conversation when you are feeling regulated and grounded. Take a deep breath. With younger children and tweens, try your best to keep your emotions on the sideline of this conversation. If a question throws you off guard, it’s okay to say you will think about it and get back to them.
Validate feelings. It is appropriate for your child to feel angry or scared (among many other emotions) when they are in danger. In fact, these feelings are biologically hard-wired to help keep us safe. Allow for emotional responses and assure children it’s okay to seek help. It is also possible for your child to have “no reaction.” Remind them that your door is always open to talk.
Keep it short. Stick to the facts and answer questions in an informative way. Younger children do not need to know the details of what happened. It can be helpful to get on the same page with family members and have a one sentence explanation of what happened. Older children are likely to have more details about the events; continue to lead with questions, engage in active listening, and discuss what they can do.
Emphasize safety and identify helpers. Identify and name all the people who are helping and responding in these emergencies (e.g. first responders, teachers, school protocols, etc). Address inaccurate beliefs (e.g. “this happens often,” “being at school is unsafe,” etc). Collaborate on a family plan to stay safe in emergencies (e.g. where you will go, who to call, safe places in the community, etc).
Avoid making promises you cannot keep. It can be tempting to comfort your child and provide a sense of safety by promising/reassuring them they are safe from this or it will never happen to them. Sadly, we cannot guarantee this will never happen in our community. While this might provide temporary relief, this will increase anxiety in the long-term. Instead, focus on what is in your control.
Action items. Above, I mentioned creating a family plan in case of emergencies and identifying helpers in the community to be used with all ages. In addition to this, teenagers might feel motivated towards advocacy to overcome feelings of helplessness. It can be helpful to encourage your teen to turn towards community action. It can be empowering for teens to take an active role in keeping our community safe. Examples include letter writing, volunteering, building awareness, and more.
If you have any questions, please feel encouraged to reach out to me at christina@christinakingfamilytherapy.com.
Yours in Service,
Christina King, LMFT 145704